So, we survived a kinda boring Oscar show again this year. But at least James Franco did not sully our screens this time. The laughs may have been far and few between, with Will Ferrell providing the most giggles, but with our stash of junk food and endless catty commentary we still had fun.
Well, we mentioned Will Ferrell. Followed by Emma Stone, the unconquerable Tina Fey (who will someday marry me), and an occasional funny line from host Billy Crystal. Seeing The Muppets always gives me a massive smile, and witnessing Christopher Plummer (Canada’s greatest actor, right after William Shatner) finally win made the whole night worthwhile. And the Best Food Of The Night Award goes to The Floats, as lovingly created by me. Heartburn was thankfully avoided during our pig-out, and good taste was avoided by most of the stars. Speaking of which…
Thankfully we missed the Borat stuff. Wrong channel was on, which made the one we were on the right channel for us. I still wonder to this day why Owen Wilson is a star. And that goes double for Angelina (Look At My Leg! Look At My Leg!) Jolie. The opening montage was about as exciting as picking my belly button, and Chris Rock hasn’t been funny in an eon or so. And why didn’t Harry Potter win anything? And why didn’t any of the winners thank the book authors? Someone created those characters and gave you dialogue, so maybe people should show some respect?
THE FINAL TALLY:
As you can see here, only once did I predict a winner accurately. This means my Oscar streak of sucking continues unabated. I was happy The Muppets (which should have been nominated for Best Picture, by the way) won for Best Song. My wife had her biggest laugh at Brian Grazer’s hair (“He looks like he was in a wind tunnel”) which I choose to not share on twitter. She also cheered when her “Tommy Boy” Tom Hanks graced the stage. Annoyance followed when I remarked how old Tommy Boy looked. She got back by telling me Tina Fey was okay at best. Man, she can hold a grudge.
So join us next year, same bat-time, same bat-channel, when we celebrate The Hunger Games sweeping The Oscars, and everyone thanking Suzanne Collins in their speeches. If you think it, it will happen!
For those of you living in a cave and missed it, I now present the promised scintillating #MadeUpOscarFacts from my twitter feed. Millions were entertained by a rapier wit and zealous humour that day!
#MadeUpOscarFacts: The Best Picture Winner in 1982 was the Star Wars Holiday Special.
#MadeUpOscarFacts: Gollom and Orson Welles arm wrestled at the 1972 Awards.
#MadeUpOscarFacts: No twins have ever won an Oscar, but triplets have.
#MadeUpOscarFacts: Marlon Brando won the Best Special Effects Award for playing the DeathStar in Star Wars.
#MadeUpOscarFacts: In 1965 the Awards were held in the space station from Moonraker.
#MadeUpOscarFacts: Slapfight broke out in 1997 between Jack Nicholson and Christian Slater. No one knows why.
#MadeUpOscarFacts: Julia Roberts lobbed water balloons at all the nominees in 2001 because she lost a bet with Tom Cruise.
#MadeUpOscarFacts: David Niven once presented the Best Short Subject Award (bonus points if you get this one).
#MadeUpOscarFacts: Skinamarinky dinky doo, Skinamarinky dinky dee, by Sharon Lois and Bram won Best Song in 1985. It was performed by Sting.
#MadeUpOscarFacts: The cast from Lost showed up at the 2010 Awards to explain the plot of Crystal Skull. They didn’t succeed.
#MadeUpOscarFacts: Weird Al won Best Actor in 1932 for his stellar part in The Sound of Music. His accordion scene moved audiences to tears.
#MadeUpOscarFacts: At the 2001 awards, George Lucas shot Greedo just to watch him die. And he wore the Slave Leia outfit at the time.