Dear Mr Fairbrother
I would like to start with thanking you very profusely for your letters during the Christmas break. Hogwarts has always prided itself in parental involvement, whether Muggle or Magical in nature. So again, thank you for your missives.
We here at Hogwarts are very pleased that the concerns you initially harboured with Fantastic Beasts were lessened gradually with the Quidditch volume, and finally dissipated with Beedle The Bard. It is always heartwarming when the imagination of the written word bridges gaps between cultures.
Now as for your concerns and unfortunate misunderstandings you mentioned. I can ensure you very properly that those authors are indeed real people, and that those names are the ones given to them at birth. While some Magical names, especially from long ago or ones in more longstanding traditional families, can sound odd to Muggle ears, they are indeed real.
We would like to apologize for the scribblings those library books were damaged with. While usually the students responsible would face detentions, these offenders are no longer present in Hogwarts. Bear in mind through Mr. Fairbrother, these volumes were donated as well, by a famous student who saved the world. More than once.
This brings up a touchy subject for many in the Magical world. The student who defaced these books is not named Harry Plodder. He is Mr. Harry Potter, the wizard who saved us all with his bravery and courage. He is happily married, with children, to Mrs. Ginny Weasley, the former Quidditch star. He is not wed to Mrs. Hermione Granger, she is simply his best friend, despite what the press of old scandalously alluded to. Mr. Potter does give autographs, but only when guest lecturing at Hogwarts.
Now to quickly answer the questions you have raised. Yes, all those animals listed in Fantastic Beasts exist, many personally witnessed by myself. Also, Hagrid is not a creature, but a well respected Professor here at Hogwarts. You are correct that he is biker, but the motorcycle he uses flies. The Goblins are also well respected members of the Magical community, being in charge of our banking system. We all wholeheartedly agree with you that Quidditch is a wonderful sport with a long and proud history. The Chudley Cannons are my favourite team, with season tickets being in my possession. As for the use of the Pensieve, which is very complicated magic, not just a bowl full of noodles, to travel into memories is only useful going back so far in history. Nothing exists from more than a century ago for a Pensieve to use, unfortunately. As for The Tales Of Beedle The Bard saving the day, that is something best to ask your son about. It is a long story. But I am in complete agreement with these tales being wonderful and full of truth and lessons. My favourite since I was a little girl was also “Babbitty Rabbitty and her Cackling Stump”, a fable with so much to teach us all.
Throughout your letters you mentioned our late Headmaster, Mr. Albus Dumbledore. Yes, he was a most wonderful man, teacher, scholar, and a true warrior on the side of good. We all still greatly miss him, even all these years later, and it is, and will always be, a huge honour to fill his role as Headmistress of Hogwarts. So, thank you Mr. Fairbrother, for your kind words and thoughts.
On a more personal note, I am afraid you have received an incomplete picture from your son of what exactly my abilities are. While I can indeed transform myself into a cat, I do not live the majority of my time this way. My meals are strictly human food and I only write while in my natural born form. As for your son making the Gryffindor Quidditch team, that is decided by open tryouts, not by any other way. I wish your son much luck with this endeavor.
At this point I must inform you that you have fallen prey to a prank perpetrated by another former Hogwarts student and a brave hero. Mr. George Weasley, who has indeed written a book coming out soon called “How To Destroy Your School And Have Fun Doing It”, which is mainly about George and his late brother’s Fred time at Hogwarts. This book will undoubtedly remind me of the headaches they both caused and expanded upon while in our hallowed halls. Anyway, Mr. George Weasley has taken it upon himself, purely for entertainment purposes, to cast a spell which duplicates certain magical mail and sends the copies careening about that entity you Muggles call “cyberspace”. While attempts to stem the flow of illicit mail falling into the wrong hands is ongoing, my regretful duty is to inform you that your last three letters addressed to me now inhabit some “website”. Rest assured, The Ministry Of Magic will fix this situation very soon. Mr. Arthur Weasley is personally looking into the matter, and he is George’s father. Please don’t ask.
Again, thank you for letters, and may you have a fine day.
Post Script: Parents Day is coming up soon on the Hogwarts Academic Calendar. Feel free to ask myself or any of the other faculty any questions you would like when you are here. Professor Longbottom and Professor Lovegood in particular are fonts of information about Hogwarts. They even had their wedding here.
This letter arrived anonymously at my door. In the distance I saw a red headed man, chuckling away, soaring through the sky on a broomstick. It looked like a Firebolt.
Dedicated to J.K. Rowling. Thank you.