My Geek OCD kicked into full gear recently, causing me to right an imbalance in the universe. I had to finally see The Dark Knight Rises. Despite the incredibly mixed reviews when this movie came out, I hit play on the dvd going in with an open mind and an eager spirit. Afterall, I have loved everything else with Nolan’s fingerprints on them, why not this entry.
I HATED IT.
Questions upon questions piled up as this monstrosity of garbage played out before me. Questions which burned my Geek soul with eternal insanity. Questions which begged to be answered, and with full SPOILER ALERTS ON, ye shall see my questions, such as…
Why does Bruce give up for eight freaking years?
Why does Bruce not seek medical help earlier?
Why would a city bylaw put crooks who are committing federal and state crimes in jail longer?
Why would Bruce not figure out they wanted his fingerprints for identity theft?
Why would no one tell Bruce that Wayne Corp was facing financial difficulties?
Why would the government agents not look under the hoods of the men before they were put on the plane?
Why would Gordon carry his confessional letter for all these years in his blazer pocket?
Why do the police show up so very very very quickly, full force, with Gordon, after the kidnapped politicians cell phone was activated?
Why is Bruce still able to do Batman stuff at the hospital when his is technically decrepit?
Why is Alfred so mad that Bruce is finally getting himself out of his funk?
Why does Alfred leave?
Why didn’t Batman use Bat-knock gas from the Bat-plane to defeat all those thugs on the rooftop?
Why would any stock transaction completed at the stock exchange DURING a terrorist attack not be considered invalid?
Why would Fox not do an EXTREMELY thorough background check on anyone doing business at Wayne Corp?
Why does Robin figure out Batman’s identity by some haunted, strange, creepy, constipated look on Bruce’s face years ago?
Why does, and this still annoys me, Alfred leave?
Why does it feel like Catwoman is in a completely different movie?
Why does Bane, a character I massively hate, try to talk like a Shakespearean reject?
Why did they cast Tom Hardy, who sucked like a black hole in Star Trek Nemesis, as Bane?
Why do they put Catwoman, a female, in a men’s prison?
Why is the prison corridor, in a fairly new building, so freaking narrow?
Why wouldn’t Wayne Manor have it’s own power generator?
Why does Batman loose the fight against Bane?
Why does Batman fight Bane like he was a nine year old having a tantrum?
Why would Bane’s punch break Batman’s cowl, which has been established as being really really strong?
Why would no one notice all those barrels full of explosives on all those bridges?
Why were all the cops, virtually ever single one in the city, sent into the sewers?
Why does it take Bruce five months to remember his Jedi training in order to climb that wall?
Why does Bruce not use his detective skills and figure out who the kid who climbed the wall really was?
Why does he get inspiration from his delusion of Ra’s and not from a delusion of his parents?
Why do the cops just rush headlong down the street, right into machine gun fire, and not use urban jungle warfare instead?
Why does Batman still fight like a loser with Bane?
Why is Bane superstrong and smashing concrete?
Why does all the action stop so Talia can twirl her moustache?
Why does Batman bleed like an idiot while Talia is mustache twirling, instead of smacking her around?
Why does it take Batman so freaking long to deal with those stupid missiles?
Why is it not obvious to everyone in the audience that he ejected from the Batplane before it went out over the ocean?
Why does Bruce retire?
More Why’s crossed my mind, but I think a list this long covers so many of the problems that plague The Dark Knight Rises. Memento, The Prestige, Inception, Batman Begins, and The Dark Knight were all excellent movies that I loved and adored. Nolan has hurt me with this unworthy effort.
I expected better.
P.S. All images copyright 2013 to DC Entertainment.