Buffy learns of the dangers of alcohol in Beer Bad, as we continue on our merry way with my SPOILER filled My Year of Buffy!
What Buffy Did!
Buffy has daydreams in Prof Walsh’s class, all filled with her hurt at the pain Parker caused her. Xander uses a fake ID to become a campus bartender. And the students are mean to him. Buffy comes in and gets drunk on Black Forest beer with the university jerks. Willow and Oz watch a band in the Bronze, and Oz connects with the singer Verucca. Buffy goes back to the bar the next night and gets drunk again. Turns out, the beer is magical changed. Xander sends Buffy back to her room and the four university guys start turning into cavemen. Turns out the bar owner spiked the beer with magic to make the students stupid. The cavemen run wild in the streets of Sunnydale U, while Xander talks to Giles. Buffy is found doing cave drawings on her dorm wall, and says bad things about Parker. Buffy escapes them and seeks out more beer. Willow talks to parker, who starts charming her. Willow calls his bluff and reveals she is onto him. The cavemen burst in, knock out Willow and Parker, and begin a fire. It becomes out of control and the cavemen start freaking. Xander finds Buffy, who is rushing into the fire. Cave Buffy is scared of the fire, but her Slayer side kicks in and she tries to help. She saves Willow and Parker. Parker thanks Buffy for saving him, and apologizes for how he acted, and she replies by knocking him out. The caveman are locked in a van at the end.
Buffy kicking ass on patrol at the cemetery. Parker? Gotta be a dream sequence. And in the real world, Buffy is in class and Parker is romancing some other poor girl. Wouldn’t Prof Walsh get mad at Parker for hitting on the girl during class. And Prof Walsh is rambling on with what Buffy is going through. Okay, these daydreams are getting more and more ridiculous. Xander is the campus bartender now? Fake ID and all. Love the moustache. And Buffy is still obsessed with Parker. She needs help. And Xander is of course overwhelmed at bartending. Meanwhile, Buffy bumps into Riley as she stares at Parker. That’s right Buffy, ignore the good guy and chase after the asshat. This university guy is a jerk. A real jerk. Sounds like a Junior Republican. These university jerks have date-rape written all over them. Willow and Oz! Why is Oz staring at that whiny singer Verucca that way. Even Willow notices. That is an intense look. University jerk needs his ass kicked, and sounds like a bit of a drunk. Buffy has a bad hangover. Did Buffy just steal that girls sandwich? So mysterious hands are brewing the Black Frost beer in a lab. This is terrible drunk acting. Is Oz skipping class for a reason? Willow is acting so un-Willow like with Oz. Just talk to him and make the world perfect again. And the university jerks notice, waiting for them to try something on Xander. Willow takes her aggression over Oz out on Parker. Who is still an ass. Is Willow falling for Parker’s bull? And Willow looks hurt, equating Parker’s garbage to Oz. Someone please snap Parker’s neck. So the beer makes them act like cavemen? Betcha university jerk is now a caveman. Yep! This looks so stupid. Xander’s desperate plan with the lighter is actually pretty smart. He so easily admits to magic. Knew a car was gonna hit him. I take it this is a metaphor for how dangerous drunken frat boys are? Giles! He’s gonna save the day! And Buffy is all quest for fire. Parker is so hitting on Willow. She better not sleep with him or I will scream. Yes, she saw through his crap! Yes, Willow tell the jerk off. Cavemen with knocked out Willow would equal rape. But the out of control fire takes the cavemen away from that idea. So Buffy’s Slayer half is slowly reasserting itself? She did just grab the fire extinguisher. But seeing Willow really is what does it. Giles is so out of place on a university campus. Cave Buffy saves the day! Parker! She is still gonna save the asshat! I really really don’t believe Parker’s apology. Hit him again! Hit him again!
Buffy tells Xander who she is, “I’m a slut. Idiot.” which just shows how much Buffy’s self esteem was hurt by that jerk. Willow tells Buffy what should be done to Parker “He deserves torturous and slow death by spider bites.” The bartender tells Xander how he spiked the beer “Neat huh. My brother in law is a Warlock. He showed me to do it.” Xander describes Giles very well with “Excuse me Mister I-spent-the-sixties-in-an-electric-kool-aid-funky-satan-groove.” Willow gives Parker a heads up with, “Just how gullible do you think I am?” Xander gives Giles a really goo warning with “Giles, don’t make cave Slayer unhappy.”
And the moral of the story is that alcohol is bad. Thanks for that. Hope the next one is better.
…is currently reading Jonah Hex No Way Back by Jimmy Palmiotti, Justin Gray and Tony DeZuniga. And Nothing Can Possibly Go Wrong by Faith Erin Hicks and Prudence Shen.