My lame Slayer sister Buffy is all chasing Vampires and such and she never ever sees the Real Me. Well, now she will, as we head back to Scoops SPOILER filled blog posts called My Year of Buffy. Should have really been about me, and called it My Year of Dawn. Sigh.
What Buffy Did!
Oh, who cares! Buffy stakes a Vampire, blah, blah, blah. The End. Fine, here is Scoop’s stupid boring write up:
Buffy trains with Giles and Dawn is annoying while watching (I am not annoying!). Later, Dawn annoys Buffy during breakfast (What?!) and plans are made to get Dawn school supplies. Riley shows up and Dawn thinks the couple are having sex (They soooo are!). Giles gives Buffy and Dawn a lift in his new flashy car, which he has trouble figuring out. They meet Willow and Tara and chat about school. The Scoobies show up at the Magic Shop and find the owner dead by Vampires. Dawn is sent out and a crazy man babbles to her (That guy was weird). Tara shows up and talks with Dawn (Tara’s cool). The Scoobies figure out books were stolen to deal with Buffy and Giles sees how much money the store makes. Xander shows up to babysit Dawn, who is happy (Yay!) with this until Anya (Ugh!) arrives as well. Harmony and her minions show up at Buffy’s house and argue. Dawn mistakenly invites Harmony in (I’m sorry, okay!). Xander and Harmony fight. Harmony leaves. Harmony finds Spike and complains about Buffy. Willow and Tara talk about who is a Scooby and how Dawn should be included (Darn tootin! Xander said that once). And Tara talks about her Scooby status as well. Buffy is on patrol and complaining to Riley about Dawn (She would!). Riley tries to be the voice of reason. Buffy goes home and hears about Harmony, but gets angry at Dawn’s slip up. Buffy complains again about Dawn, who overhears and takes off outside (It’s Buffy’s fault!). Harmony’s minions take Dawn. Anya is injured. Buffy takes off after Dawn. Harmony holds Dawn as bait, but her minions want to feed off of her (Yuck!). The minions revolt. Buffy finds out from Spike where Harmony is. Buffy shows up and takes out the minions and Harmony gets away. Buffy and Dawn go home (Yay!). Giles is going to run and own the magic shop. Dawn (That’s me!) writes in her diary about Buffy and how she is in for a surprise (I am going to take one of Buffy’s precious sweaters).
Joss, whoever that is, is wonderful and great. That is what Scoop always says. But here, you can read all of his thoughts, all confused about me. Pop quiz hotshot, saw that line in a movie once, my name is DAWN!
Buffy meditating with Giles help looks so natural. And now Buffy is all ninja like and serene. And this new sister again!!!! (My name is DAWN!) Is she gonna be in the credits? She is! She’s in the credits! (Of course I am!) And why isn’t Tara in the main credits yet? (Yeah, what’s up with that?) And the little sister is a whiny young teenager (Am not!!). Really really whiny (Am not! Am not!!). Love her little bitchiness with the cereal bowls (Hehe). And the annoyingly beautiful background music. Buffy is so about to stake her sister (Like to see her try). Sisters name is Dawn (Told you so!). You can tell the sisters do not like each other (Yep!). Harry Potter reference! Riley! He is so polite to Joyce. And said dirty talk right in front of Dawn, yuck (Double Yuck!). Is this like My So-Called Life meets Buffy? Dawn bets they have had sex? You can now tell how not close the sisters are. If Dawn says I am not a kid one more time, I will stake her (Like to see you try!). Did Giles get a new car? One that was built this century? Dawn, why aren’t you wearing a seatbelt! Okay, good seatbelt. So this is Giles middle age car. Willow and Tara! Hey Dawny? (I love that nickname) And Willow and Dawn play chess? I pray Rod Sterling is gonna walk out from behind the Hellmouth and start explaining (Who?). Willow and Dawn both like school. So Dawn doesn’t know about Willow and Tara being a couple? (Wait, they are dating?) Magic Box magic shop. It’s moved from where it used to be. And it’s been trashed. Willow just tripped over a dead body didn’t she? Wait, Buffy is hustling Dawn outside, even through she has seen this stuff before while hanging with the Scoobies? (I KNOW!) Hey look, crazy guy (He was creepy). Tara and Dawn together feels so natural. WHAT?? Why aren’t they considered Scoobies? Grumble grumble. (I KNOW!) Giles is really impressed with how much money the Magic Box makes. My spider-sense says a new career for him. Harmony! How many unicorns does she have? Boy, they really treat Dawn like a little kid don’t they? She’s 14! (I KNOW!) I knew she was gonna say Xander. And knew Dawn was gonna have a crush on him. Likes him because he treats everyone as an equal. Anya! Dawn looks so downhearted because Anya showed up. (OMG, am I that obvious?) So with Buffy and Riley living together, of course now Willow and Dawn are living together. Let’s address the issue of who a Scooby is, once and for all. Dawn would have seen Slayer stuff since she was eight (Yep!). She’s always around? The writers are having a lot of fun poking us with Dawn’s sudden existence aren’t they? (What are you talking about? I have always been around!) Love how Buffy and Dawn’s complaints about each other are almost exactly the same (Not). Love Harmony’s loser gang of Vampires just being all posey evil outside. Xander and Anya know they are losers, and Dawn looks kinda scared (Am not!). Fight! And Buffy figures out who gave the invite to Harmony. Spike! Spike and Harmony! Mort? Superman mention! Xander has a point about Joyce versus Dawn making mistakes. And of course Dawn overhears Buffy being angry about her. Damn, Mort kidnapped Dawn! Minionators? Minions have a point about eating Dawn now (I was not scared. I was not scared). Spike! Buffy beating Spike for info! I would pay good money for a whole episode of just Buffy punching Spike in the nose. Harmony and Dawn should form a self pity group (Um, no). Love how Buffy tells Dawn to close her eyes, and she does, at first (She always does that). This might be the fastest Buffy has staked Vampires in a long time. Come on, Buffy should take Mort down in ten seconds. Giles has the Magic Box now! Spinal Tap reference? Giles watched Passions with Spike? That is sad and scary. That last line, about how Buffy just thinks Dawn is her dumb little sister (Hey!) and how she is in for a surprise? Thanks Joss for really getting me antsy and such. Is this the prelude to Giles maybe dying? And is Dawn the setup for a Little Slayer spin-off? (Dawn The Vampire Slayer sounds cool. Betcha I would be better then Buffy at it)
Wait, how does Scoop know what I wrote in my diary? That is such an invasion of privacy! I am gonna send Xander after you Scoop!
Buffy’s sister, Dawn, to her diary, “Nobody knows who I am.” And she is so right (What?!). Dawn tells her diary exactly how lame she thinks Vampires are, “Oh scary Vampires. They die from a splinter.” Dawn informs her mom Joyce of her school plans, “Yeah mom, I’m not going to Hogwarts.” (Hogwarts would be awesome) Buffy gets some dirty talk from Riley, “Besides, I’m here to violate your first born never goes over with parents.” (Ewwwww!) Buffy tells Willow of her plan to drop drama class and how Giles will have to deal with it, “To hell with Giles.” A crazy guy tells off Dawn with, “You don’t belong here.” (Weirdo) Saying what we all are saying (Again, what?!). Tara reassures Dawn of the investigation with, “Best non-Scoobies like you and me stay out of their way.” Tara asks Dawn a very important question, “Do you wanna thumb wrestle?” (I love thumb wrestling with Tara!) Which just shows you how cool Tara is (Yep!). Dawn tells her diary her feelings for a Scooby, “Xander is so much cuter than anyone. And smarter too.” (Well, he is!) Riley keeps the conversation with Buffy going with, “Back to what I was saying before we were rudely attacked by nothing.” Dawn tells Harmony the Vampire something stupid, “Oh yeah! Come inside and say that, Xander will…” (I made a mistake, give it up already) Buffy asks the Scoobies an obvious question, “Harmony has minions?” Spike asks Harmony what she is reading, “What? Evil for Dummies?” Dawn gives a good warning to a Vampire with, “Touch me and my sister is going to kill you.” (And she did!) And Dawn bickers with Buffy with, “Yeah well, I’m telling mom you Slayed in front of me!” (But I didn’t tell, just to be nice)
This stupid blog post is finally done, and Scoop doesn’t mention Xander nearly enough! But I can tell he liked my adventure because he compared it to My So Called Life, one of the greatest bestest shows ever! But Scoop seems to not remember me from before, maybe that guy Joss he mentioned can help jog his memory. But gotta go now, Xander is here!
…is currently reading Friday Night Lights by H.G. Bissinger